openbookbells:

AU where Bella doesn’t TELL Edward that she knows, she just strolls into lunch one day and goes “hey guys, I’ve got a question for the table. Just for funsies, you know, just totally off the top of my head. Would you fuck a vampire, yes or no? I vote Yes.” And then stares across the cafeteria without blinking while Edward chokes.

bonniebird:

bramblepatch:

Twilight AU where Bella is rightly Creeped the Fuck Out by Edward rather than intrigued by him and, hoping to defuse the situation before it becomes a Thing, decides to talk to his “sister” about his behavior

What Bella knows about the fallout: Rosalie is out of school for a couple of days, and upon returning gives Bella a thumbs up from across the lunch room but offers no further explanation. Edward is absent from school for a couple of weeks, even when the rest of the Cullens are all there, and then carefully gives her space from then on out.

What Bella does not know about the fallout: Rosalie “Rapist Eater” Hale tore her surrogate brother’s arm off at the shoulder and beat him around the head with it while yelling “Don’t Stalk Girls” until Emmet and Jasper pulled her off of him and made her give the arm back.

I like this version better.

(Source: hermeowyn)

dontratoutyourfriends:

feminism is about pegging and nothing else

(Source: gutttercvnt)

totallycorrecttwilight:

[Yahoo answers log]

Bella: Yahoo community, how do I put myself in a coma without killing myself and without permanent brain damage?

Bella: UPDATE: Lol, I don’t want to die. I just want to go to sleep for, like, a month.

Bella: UPDATE 2: To all you idiots incapable of literacy, I didn’t ask how to improve my current circumstances, I ASKED how to induce a coma.

twilightisgaynow:

sangotori:

twilightisgaynow:

new high school classmate: so what’s your name

renesmee: renesmee

new classmate: that’s… interesting

renesmee: my mom was on crack when she named me

bella, sitting literally two seats away: 

I’m so concerned that this post implies Bella and Edward will attend high school again with their own daughter

youre goddamn right thats what im implying

bloodbybella:

you just know that after edward became a vampire and he was trying to grapple with the fact that he was a “monster” that he would go outside at night, see a mosquito or some shit, chuckle to himself and then say out loud “you know, you and i aren’t so different, pal” and then like fucking sob

(Source: edwardanthonyswan)

(Source: twilightrenaissance)

bisexualtwilight:

Bella tweets this after meeting Rosalie

twilightrenaissance:

when your mom asks you if there are any cute guys at your new school but you’re gay

twihomo:

remember when breaking dawn was written to be so fucking underwhelming and anticlimactic that the movies had to fabricate a giant fight scene as the climax

vampiressux:

vampiressux:

bold of stephenie meyer to write and publish things that aren’t even canon. like really what a power move. 

prime examples:

• “carlisle is twenty-three” sure
  
• “marcus was turned at nineteen” lmao why so obsessed with agebending sis
  
• “im gonna name my child edward jacob or renesmee” i love crackfics
  
• “jacob’s gonna imprint on a newborn half-vamp baby” ok now you’re reaching 
  

batmanisagatewaydrug:

batmanisagatewaydrug:

batmanisagatewaydrug:

good morning I just woke up obsessed with the idea of a movie filmed in the style of a true crime documentary except it’s in the Twilight universe and a bunch of completely ordinary humans are trying to figure out why Bella effectively disappeared after high school without knowing anything about vampires

let’s review the Facts of the Case as far as anyone who’s not in on the secret knows them

• super normal teenage girl moves to small town
  
• becomes obsessed with a guy who by all appearances is in a cult
• the incident where they dramatically broke up and Bella tried to go back to Phoenix but Edward followed her and they got back together but also Bella’s leg got mysteriously broken
• another dramatic breakup and this time the entire family skips town leaving Bella catatonically depressed
• sudden trip to Italy??? and then the entire family comes back???
• Whatever Happened In Eclipse I Don’t Remember 
• Bella marries boyfriend of approx. a year and a half, goes away on an exotic vacation and immediately contracts a life threatening disease
• is rarely seen in public again until her mysterious death, which if I’m remembering correctly is a thing?? because Bella was pretty sure her mom wouldn’t be able to handle the vampire thing and that they were going to have to fake a death which is!! fucked UP
• also apparently the Cullens haven’t ever bothered with, like, changing their names, so if anyone goes poking around they’re easily going to discover a family of seven rich weirdos moving around various overcast cities together for at least a century 
• tell me you wouldn’t watch this shit 

highlights:

• generic Missing White Woman opening that rapidly spirals into interviews Bella’s hilarious tacky high school classmates talking shit about the Cullens (Mike Newton’s Time To Shine)
  
• Charlie (who Knows) uncomfortably lying to the camera about how of course he’s Very Sad about all of this and misses his daughter a whole lot. the crew immediately begins speculating about Charlie’s involvement.
• a few scenes shot in Italy. the voice over concludes that there are no clues to be found there while a Volturi member hovers very obviously in the background for the audience’s enjoyment 
• testimonies about Carlisle’s character that end with the interviewee getting distracted thinking how hot he was, including Charlie 
• a segment trying to figure out what the Fuck Jacob’s involvement is followed by a montage of werewolves slamming their front doors in the crew’s faces
• a brief mention of the murder spree that happened in Seattle during Bella’s senior year but quickly shrugging it off as DEFINITELY unrelated to any of this 
• trying to dig into where the Cullens lived before Forks and quickly realizing that None Of These Children Existed Before the Age of Seventeen
• briefly toying with a kidnapping scenario before stumbling onto a record of the Cullens in some other town that’s JUST old enough to be inconsistent with the ages they were supposed to be in Forks
• “wait I think all the kids were actually in their twenties, maybe?”
• “wait what the fUCK?”
  

islesme:

“Well, I was planning to go to Seattle in the next few weeks, and, to be honest, I’m not sure if your truck can make it.”

(Source: islesme)

(Source: twilightsga)